September 7, 2020
The Labour party continues to try and oust its Scottish branch manager Richard Leonard. James Kelly quit Leonard’s shadow cabinet, and a group of Labour peers including Lord Robertson and Lord Foulkes demanded Leonard step down. Then Tony Blair adviser John McTernan and Better Together chief Blair McDougall also called for his resignation.
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August 30, 2020
The Liberal Democrats appointed Sir Ed Davey as their new leader. Nobody seemed to know who he was replacing in the role. Meanwhile, serial loon George Galloway ranted "I have five young children. The SNP will NOT teach them, with bananas and Nutella, about anal-sex and rimming. It’s time ALL decent people of all political persuasions including Nationalists, rose up against this hideous monstrosity of a policy." No idea.
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August 28, 2020
2020 has been a thoroughly miserable summer and Rose Garnett and I decided to commemorate it in song. Introducing 'SUMMER BUMMER: 13 happy summer classics rendered in depressing fashion' by Debbie Downer and the Mascara Stains. I'm thoroughly fed up and couldn't be happier about it. Stream it below.
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August 23, 2020
As a poll showed support for independence at a record 55%, there were signs of panic amongst unionists. Michael Gove held talks with LibDem peer Danny Alexander and loon supreme George Galloway. Gove, Galloway and broadcaster Andrew Neil decided it was up to them and proposed any indyref2 be open to Scots living in other parts of the UK. Another BBC type, Kirsty Wark, attempted a retrial of Alex Salmond with an appallingly biased documentary. 45 and falling. Tick tock.
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August 16, 2020
It was reported that Labour leader Keir Starmer was 'losing confidence' in his Scottish branch manager Richard Leonard over poor poll ratings. Starmer and Leonard both denied this and in a leaked email Leonard ranted about party members deliberately sowing division.
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August 9, 2020
Four days before the sudden resignation of Jackson Carlaw, a meeting took place between Ruth Davidson and Douglas Ross. The following week, Ross was appointed leader without challenge. Ross refused to reveal details of the meeting.
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August 2, 2020
When Jackson Carlaw resigned as leader of the Scottish Conservatives, all talk mysteriously centred around the gypsy-baiting MP for Moray, Douglas Ross, replacing him. In other news, former leader Ruth Davidson was to be given a peerage. Reasons unknown.
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July 26, 2020
The self-titled 'Minister for the Union' Boris Johnson paid a flying visit to Scotland in the mistaken belief that his presence would bolster support for said union. He chose remote Orkney - where he was photographed holding crabs - and an RAF base in Lossiemouth, two places he could guarantee protester numbers would be limited.
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July 19, 2020
Health Secretary Matt Hancock was accused of rewriting history after claiming the UK went into lockdown on March 16th and not March 23rd when the Prime Minister actually announced the measure. Meanwhile John Curtice, the UK’s top pollster, said the Yes side is now the favourite to win a second independence referendum, for the first time ever.
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July 12, 2020
Jackson Carlaw claimed a post-Brexit arrangement that would allow Westminster to take control of some devolved powers – effectively a power grab on Holyrood – was the “the right thing to do”. Elsewhere he was eager to play down Scotland’s relative success in containing the spread of Covid-19. Here we imagine how he would deal with being Scotland's First Minister.
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