junior

In which LaFlamme tells the author there is a need for her to have a sidekick.

LaFlamme appeared in the middle of ‘Devil Doll.’ It couldn’t have been more apt. I was sitting in the dark with only the black and white glow of the TV set bouncing off the walls. I wasn’t trying to save electricity, I just couldn’t face getting up to switch the light on.

LaFlamme clapped her hands loudly. “Wakey wakey!” she said. “Everybody up.”

“I’m awake,” I replied. “Sort of.”

“Good, because I don’t hang out with zombies.” She stepped across the room. “What, is there a war on? I demand to be seen and admired.” This finally roused me to throw some light on the situation, something I wasn’t known for being able to do. No wonder it seemed dark to LaFlamme. She was still wearing shades.

“I’m going to need an assistant,” she said, sitting on the desk. “Who do you know?” Clearly LaFlamme’s new career as a self-help guru was taking shape.

“Like a P.A? Or a secretary?” I asked.

“Which one’s most like a stooge?”

“I don’t know. Both seem quite glamorous to a graphic designer.”

“I won’t beat them or anything.”

“Well that’s a plus point, but I don’t think employers generally beat their assistants anymore,” I said. LaFlamme was certainly a stranger to employer/employee relations. The fact is, both of us were pretty much unemployable in any conventional sense, due to us not having any conventional sense.

In which Tony demonstrates the visual power of language.

The Admiral told me when he was younger he and his friends used to write the word 'why' vertically and it would look like a woman in a bikini. You know, like this:

This would be hugely tittilating for a 10-year-old but it turns out he was 25 at the time. I was relieved when Junior took a shine to him and explained (in sign language of course, as Junior is verbally challenged. And when I say sign language, not real sign language which The Admiral wouldn't understand, but a series of whistles and gestures that she produced for his benefit alone) a few things about women.

I too remember being shown this little W-H-Y trick as a pre-teen by an over-excitable friend with a penchant for fire-raising. The conversation went something like this:

"Look at this," he said.

"What?"

"Not what. Why."

"What?"

"Why."

"Why what?"

"Why. A woman in a bikini."

"I give up. Why a woman in a bikini?"

By this time he'd set fire to it and I was left none the wiser. Anyway, it seemed pretty large for a bikini and the effect was totally ruined once you added the question mark.

GREGMOODIE

Tag Archives: junior

Devil Doll

The Word ‘Why’